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GAMELANDO: Game Review: ‘Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon’

May 2, 2013
By

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Cyber-Sex

The muffled ‘clink-clank’ of my cybernetic legs compliment a cheesy 80′s club beat as I creep through the jungle towards the rat bastard. He doesn’t suspect a thing and my blood is boiling. Suddenly a loud “CRACK” from above and I jerkily fling my bow to the clouds. I just barely make out a tear of lightning streaking menacingly across a bruise-toned sky. “Get it together, man!” I wise-up and continue weaving through ferns.

The music crescendos and the bass is thumping like nightclub scene in American Psycho. In a blaze of glory, I dart through the brush, swing up behind the poor sap and shove a glowing blue knife through his esophagus!…Queue the one-liner:

“Way to die on the on the job, dickshitter.” That’s Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon.

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When Far Cry 3 originally released, I was in hyper-collector mode: I had just finished Assassin’s Creed III, collected all the superfluous items, unlocked all the things (not one of which I could remember now if you asked me), and I was hungry for more. Then FC3 came along and I was whisked away to a tropical island filled with pirate-y psychopaths, and I did nothing but explore for about a month with the same adventurer’s spirit. Then it was over. The ending disappointed a bit, but it was the journey that made the game. The freedom of exploration stayed with me.

Blood Dragon is a completely separate take on the FC3 aesthetic, offering the same thrills and exploration as the original, but with a major twist: Everything has been vomited-upon by a campy 80′s sci-fi/action flick that never (but should have) existed. To explain the plot would give away half the fun, but you play as a ‘Mark IV Cyber Commando’ named Rex ‘Power’ Colt (Michael Biehn) as you uncover the sinister scheme of a former agent gone rogue. The rest, folks, is all delivery. The third-wall-breaking self-aware nature of the dialogue and hilarious one-liners make this one of the funniest gaming experiences since Conker’s Bad Fur Day, and it clocks in at 6-10 hours of gameplay.

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The $15 budget price is tough to argue, especially when you’re handed a toxically-radioactive island to traverse, animals to hunt, and collectables a-go-go. Some would argue that the side-missions could get a little repetitive, but they’re 100% necessary to upgrade your weaponry and become the ultimate cyber-badass. Not to mention, they successfully fulfill the most basic need in the human condition: To hunt and build. For completionists, this will keep you busy for a good while.

With Far Cry 3 having left its mark on video game history, it’s only fitting that the creative minds at Ubisoft use that fame to create something so over-the-top stupid that it deserves commendation…if only for embracing that neon bravado with a confident smirk.

The Good:

  • The smartest, most confident piece of comedic DLC since Red Dead Nightmare.
  • The completely-self-aware dialogue and “forced retro” style made me cackle regularly.
  • If you’re looking for a new and interesting take on the Far Cry 3 aesthetic, look no further. Time to get your fix!
  • Unbeatable price, and you don’t even have to OWN Far Cry 3 to play it!

The Bad:

  • The ‘Super Nintendo-esque’ cutscenes are great, but I would have loved to see some in-game animations of some of the more dramatic events that occur.

The Fluffy:
“FUCK stands for ‘Failing to Understand our Capacity for Kindness‘!”
~Actual In-Game Quote

8.9/10

 

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  • Nosgoth1979

    Great review and this game looks awesome! I played the demo, and personally I kind of thought the cut-scenes were probably the weakest part, but everything else was SO good that would be easy to overlook. Somehow I never got around to playing the original Far Cry 3, and even though this is a standalone, I kind of feel like I ought to play through the original FC3 before I dig into Blood Dragon. Unfortunately I can’t run out and buy it since my checking account is sitting on the empty side currently. That’s okay though since I have Blockbuster @Home from DISH I’ll just put Far Cry 3 in my queue. As an employee of DISH I try to test out all the different services we come out with, and I love this one. Before I signed up for it, my gaming habit got out of control over and over. Now with Blockbuster @Home’s flat pay-by-the-month service, my bill is always the same, no matter how many games I go through in a month, saving me a lot of money!