We like nice things, too! 10 projects we wish Mayor Buddy Dyer included in his State of Downtown manifesto
In this week’s cover story, Jeffrey Billman parses 10 years of vertical development under the rule of yes-man Mayor Buddy Dyer. Dyer’s take on urban planning – basically a Field of Dreams “build it and they will come” whisper – formed the backbone of his State of Downtown pep-rally speech last week: all sunshine and roses and incentives and swaying cranes and progress. The heady heights of his vision can be, at times, intoxicating (if not vertigo-making), which is probably how so much of it manages to survive scrutiny. But while Dyer tends to focus on his own legacy via giant sports and entertainment venues and nondescript notions like the “creative village” – all the while lip-servicing income inequality in Parramore, crime, and transportation that isn’t pointless like SunRail – we figured we’d go all the way and dream up some urban developments that we think would make our downtown better … or MORE RIDICULOUS. Play along, won’t you?
1.) MAYBE WE SHOULD BUILD A GIANT ERECT PENIS STRUCTURE like that newspaper in China did! (photo above) Quick, everybody make a joke about Buddy Dyer’s penis. See, it’s funny!
2.) Wouldn’t it be cool if streetlight posts had umbrellas on them? Sometimes it rains, you know, and sometimes life really does feel like a romantic comedy in which the raindrops are falling like the tears of your coming heartache.
3.) We could pretend we’re a real city that actually cares about art that doesn’t look like glass pineapples or barbed-wire seagulls. We could even subsidize live/work spaces for budding artists!