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Hobbing the Nobs

July 30, 2008
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Hobbing the Nobs

Are you tired of the political oligarchy being a cadre of old white men? Wish it was a cadre of young white men? Then you’re probably a Young Republican! This Thursday is the Orange County Young Republican’s Candidate HobNob. Here, you can rub elitist elitist-bashing elbows with the best and brightest this county has to...
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Work… For Free!

July 29, 2008
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Work… For Free!

Don’t you miss the good old days? Time was something was going wrong in your village, you just chuck a couple virgins and a goat to their deaths and thankful gods fixed it. Now we’ve got to sacrifice our own damn time if we want things to get better. Lousy lack of active volcanoes in the...
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And the Rest

July 22, 2008
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Gonna cram in a bunch of stuff here, so bear with me. Remember the old chant, “No blood for oil”? (Good times.) Well now you can literally trade your blood… for oil! Now through July 31 (started on the 17th, sorry), Florida Blood Centers is giving away $10 gas cards (i.e. almost 2.5 gallons) with...
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Ears Lowered for Charity

July 21, 2008
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Ears Lowered for Charity

Awesome! I get to use a riddle. What can you give someone that when they have it, they’ll have less? No, not GM stock (but good answer). A haircut! And from August 1-15, for every child’s cut you get at Hair Cuttery, they are donating one dead-cell snipping to a disadvantaged child. Finally, you can make...
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NOT a Public Urinal

July 17, 2008
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NOT a Public Urinal

The residents of this Happytown will soon have somewhere else to be happy. Winter Park has renovated and expanded upon the Azalea Lane Recreation Playground. According to city officials, the old park equipment had “reached its useful life” (insert “John McCain is old” joke here). So they splurged $37,000 (also known as .07 percent of Obama’s June...
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Hey, Remember the ’90s?

July 16, 2008
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Hey, Remember the ’90s?

A little item just popped up on my radar too late for the print edition, but it’s something a certain nostalgia-hungry population is going to want to see. One of the great one hit wonders of our generation, Green Jelly (was Jell-O until Bill Cosby sued them or something, and you’re supposed to put the...
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More Things to Hurt Yourself On

July 14, 2008
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More Things to Hurt Yourself On

A new prickly beast has entered this world for you to worry about. But it’s cute as hell! Ladies and gentlemen, meet Patriot, the youngest living thing in the Central Florida Zoo. (Actually, that honor probably goes to some mosquito born within nine seconds of reading this, but who gives a crap about them?)...
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Free Teeth Whitening for the Homeless

July 9, 2008
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Free Teeth Whitening for the Homeless

Now, this isn’t actually free dental work for paupers (per se), but bear with me. This Saturday, Mills Park Dental will be performing abrasive enamel rubbings gratis at their 1st Annual Charity Event. There will be appetizers and drinks and even goodie bags (although I’m not sure one should legally be allowed to call a...
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