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Pirates of the Caribbean ride takes U.K. man’s fingertips to Davey Jones’s locker

July 11, 2014
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Avast, ye scurveys! Lest ye be thinkin’ yer pinky and ring fingers are always safe from ghastly harm at Disney World, mind the U.K. tourist who just a day ago lost the wee tips of those digits on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Local constables say the man was “holding onto part of the outside” of his briny vessel when some undetermined force descended upon the fingers he usually be holdin’ up when he’s drinkin’ his tea or orderin’ haggis or flippin’ through one-a those Larry Potter books.

The Pirates ride reopened after a brief closure to determine its safety; theme park officials could see no glaring problem, which likely means ’twas the work of dastardly pirate ghosts! Crossing over from the spectral world to steal our delicious fingers! Take heed, land lubbers! Johnny Depp won’t always be around to protect yer meat paws with his drunken swagger and eyeliner!

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  • Chris Ponder

    Nope, the ride was in perfect working order, replete with signs that say to keep your hands inside the boat because…um…there’s a ride track under there.