The Onion: 9,600-mile-long megacoaster unveiled at Busch Gardens
The Onion takes aim at theme parks today, with this story about Busch Gardens in Tampa unveiling a new roller coaster that’s 9,600 miles long and “designed to push the limits of human endurance.” The story goes on to describe a ride on “The Staminator” as a 14-day-long experience “that challenges passengers’ physical and mental resilience with elements such as a 1,500-mile straightaway, a banked curve across five Midwestern states, and interlocking corkscrews stretching from Nebraska to the West Coast.”
We know it’s satire, but we think the Onion slipped a little on this one. Everybody knows that if there were to be some kind of insane, overly ambitious theme park ride that pushed the limits of human endurance, it would be located in Orlando, not Tampa.
Seriously: World’s tallest Polercoaster, anybody?
How about a pants-peeingly tall bungee jump slingshot ride that catapults you and a friend around in a body harness with no safety equipment?
Or a zipline over gator-filled pools? That’s a good one, too.