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A Lynum Shame: The curious case of Orlando Commissioner Daisy Lynum’s retirement, liveblogged

February 10, 2014
By
image via WFTV

image via WFTV

If you were following last week’s episode of Dynasty: Orlando, then you probably caught wind that FOREVER Commissioner Daisy Lynum, she of the fifth district (basically Parramore), was in some kind of internal squabble with her own son Juan Lynum, who, for at least a minute, seemed like he was running against his mom in the April 8 city elections, along with two other women who Daisy has taken to calling “thugs” (which is kind of the new “N”-word, amirite?). Anyway, it was all very uncomfortable and Daisy wasn’t talking about it to the media and yes, she’s in her 60s and has been known to pull really odd comments out of thin air, but that doesn’t erase the fact that it seemed like she would be holding her seat – first won in 1998 – for all of eternity. SHE IS FUCKING DAISY LYNUM. Today, we find out that this was all somehow orchestrated, with Daisy basically keeping her seat warm until her son Juan – he of the racial-profiling traffic case accusations that really could have ruined Daisy’s career – could get his own qualifying papers in order. The senior Lynum will step aside and withdraw from the race, just like she allegedly withdrew from a public meeting on the new soccer stadium and all the gentrification that implies last week.

We’ve covered Lynum extensively over the years, often allowing her loops around her own private and sublime lexicon to speak for themselves, especially when we used to do “Quote of the Week” in the older incarnation of our Council Watch column. She’s loved us and hated us and walked away from us because we were smoking, but she’s also a human being. We want to be careful not to pile on in what could be a personal/health/aging situation for Lynum. We are, however, intrigued by the drama and apparent nepotism playing out before our Monday eyes, so we will be following the saga as it unfolds at this afternoon’s meeting at City Hall. AND YOU’RE INVITED. Let’s watch, shall we?

Refresh for updates.

2:06 p.m.: DAISY IS LEADING THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE, BECAUSE SHE IS THE CITY FLAG

2:08 p.m.: There’s talk about demolition of the bleachers and “heritage” of Tinker Field. Buddy Dyer does not seem very happy. Also, needs haircut.

2:10 p.m.: Commish Jim Gray just had a grandchild, making him human finally

2:12 p.m.: Buddy is talking about the mammoth issuance of municipal bonds that will be blindly approved by a group of people who like their credit cards MAXED.

2:13 p.m.: Commissioners Gray and Stuart were re-elected without opposition for April 8. HERE COMES THE FIRST MENTION OF DAISY LEAVING. “I’ve been a commissioner almost 16 years and I’ve had a good time.” “I delightfully and joyfully endorse my son Juan Lynum to run for the seat.”

2:14 p.m.: “I’m retiring and I’m endorsing my son to run, and I think that’s a good thing for District 5 and the city.”

2:15 p.m.: “When our economy goes south, my district goes south.”

2:15 p.m.: WE’RE TALKING ABOUT ALL THE GOOD THINGS DAISY MADE MAGICALLY HAPPEN. “Within six months of my being elected, my predecessor died.” SHE NEVER GOT ANY HELP. We’re talking about charter schools in Parramore now and desegregation; also, Mercy Drive, drainage, pillars, bus shelters.

Number one priority was The Willows, she says, and how she tagged 125 cars and pulled them out? What world is this?

2:18 p.m.: Narrowed Tampa Ave. NOBODY WANTED SIDEWALKS. Daisy made everybody understand the importance of sidewalks.

2:19 p.m.: She’s rambling now. There’s some talk about TDT funds and Daisy and namedrop and Daisy and the law school and Daisy and OMG, Daisy saved Parramore.

2:20 p.m.: She’s trying to be careful and she wants to say thank you. NOW, THE BLUEPRINT THING. Daisy did make the Blueprint thing happen, to be fair. Good on her. BUT STOP RAMBLING.

2:21 p.m.: OMG, you guys, everything Daisy makes happen ends up getting redistricted into Sam Ings’ district 6, but she wants you to know she did it all. The biggest thing – THE BIGGEST THING! – involved Mel Martinez, $18 million, Buddy Dyer, and a park. “There are some things we didn’t get around to finishing.” OH, OTEY PLACE. THE BBIF. THESE THINGS THAT WILL SOIL YOUR LEGACY.

2:22 p.m.: IN DEFENSE OF ALL THE FLOWERS SHE SENT, CHANNEL 9

2:23: “I love policy, I love good governance. I have sometimes short patience with foolishness.”

2:24 p.m.: She is basically saying that Juan already has her job.

2:25 p.m.: “THAT’S STILL SHORTER THAN COMMISSIONER INGS,” says Lynum about Ings’ notorious longwindedness.

2:38 p.m.: There’s been quiet acknowledgment that there will be more CEREMONIOUS moments honoring Lynum’s legacy later. Nobody had time to prepare for this BOMBSHELL. Still watching to see if anyone cries though.

2:45 p.m.: Daisy has senioritis. She’s making audible talking noises while Robert Stuart is chatting up DICK’S SPORTING GOODS, about which he is “thrilled.”

2:46 p.m.: Patty Sheehan “will not make any more comments” about Daisy because apparently she’s just been drafted to be on Juan’s canvasing board.

2:48 p.m.: Patty will be wearing Wonder Woman underwear at the Undie Run.

2:49 p.m.: UH-OH, not related, Sheehan is going hard on See Art Orlando and the lack of transparency. Also, “I feel the same way” about Tinker Field. “The wrecking ball, I’m glad, is not going to hit Tinker Field.” Sheehan didn’t know MLK actually spoke there once.

2:50 pm: “I don’t want my constituents to pay for my political hubris,” in relation to Tinker Field issue.

3:01 p.m.: WHY IS EVERYONE ACTING LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED? WE’RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT AN SEIU IMPASSE AND WE’RE NOT GOING TO WEEP FOR THE IMPENDING EXIT OF QUEEN DAISY LYNUM? WHAT KIND OF CITY ARE WE, REALLY?

3:10 p.m.: “Commissioner Sheehan, your hair is awesome,” says SEIU guy

3:10 p.m.: Also, he has the same hair as Sheehan. THE SAME HAIR.

3:11 p.m.: CAN DAISY LYNUM JUST MEDIATE ALL OF THIS UNION STUFF WHILE REFERENCING ERRANT CHICKENS LIKE SHE USED TO? I MISS DAISY LYNUM’S WANDERING THINK-TALKING.

3:19 p.m.: “Bad behavior shouldn’t be rewarded” – totally unrelated to Daisy, but this union argument with hair is not being terribly kind to the city and the administration.

3:30 p.m.: Daisy is talking. “My concern – it reminds me of congress and this deficit we got… – we really don’t want to go back. …. ” OMG, not making any sense. Carry on. There seems to be some sense that it is more convenient to negotiate union contracts at once rather than repeatedly. “I just don’t like the idea of everywhere,” says Daisy. “I just didn’t like that whole thing about you punish us when we’re naughty, thing, because you want to get paid more.”

3:33 p.m.: “I have problems with the every year…”

3:36 p.m.: “Commissioner Lynum, you didn’t do the math,” says SEIU guy. “I don’t see humor in it really.” Uh-oh.

3:47 p.m.: Have you ever watched a contract negotiation? Don’t.

3:50 p.m.: We’re talking averages in retroactive pay, and LET THEM EAT CAKE.

3:51 p.m.: EVERYONE IS CONFUSED AND SPEAKING IN ALGORITHMS

3:52 p.m.: “I GUESS I’M A COMMUNIST OR SOMETHING” – PATTY SHEEHAN

4:02 p.m.: Tony Ortiz just figured out the exact distance between his elbow and his asshole. Again, Daisy doesn’t like the “being punished” thing. She’s not comfortable “punishing someone.” I DON’T THINK HALF THE DAIS KNOWS WHAT IT’S TALKING ABOUT.

4:05 p.m.: “It’s done,” Daisy just said. And if only I believed her. Commissioner Stuart doesn’t like it, his bowtie doesn’t like it, Sheehan is mumbling into a hot mike and Stuart just said the word “punish” again. WE’RE NOT FIGURING OUT THE LYNUM MESS TODAY. Here’s what we DO know. Sheehan is on staff for the Juan Lynum juggernaut, Daisy Lynum is out come June, and with her will go the meandering thoughts about lavender and butterflies and chickens and racial equality.

Have a great afternoon, and I hope you enjoy your stay in Peyton Place.

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  • Michael Davis

    2:12 We totally NEED an MLS franchise here, so badly that we’ll spend hundreds of millions to build a righ guy a stadium! SPORTSBALL!!

  • amandamore

    Amazing that they are allowed to do advertisements without a big sign at the bottom Paid Political Advertisement I suppose “I took money from developers and presided during the greatest wholesale destruction of people’s home in any area of the country and I am so proud that I at least took away all these people from their jobs and transportation. I mentioned every meeting destroying the homeless and instead created them,” would not play as well.

  • Jeanna Malines

    First of all – the stadium will be owned by the City of Orlando – not a “rich guy”. Said rich guy is ponying up nearly 100M of his own cash for the franchise fees and such. That rich guy also made a COMMITMENT to the city that he would keep the team here for 20 years or pay a HEFTY fine. He also made a commitment that if the stadium costs did not break even he would CUT THE CITY A CHECK.
    AND – unless you live in A MOTEL very little of your tax dollars went into this project.
    But none of that matters does it?

  • amandamore

    Sometimes it pays to watch live theater. I want to remind everyone that those who get elected have choices. In this case one commissioner mentioned Martin Luther King and his speech at Tinker field but kudos go to the the one brave commissioner who had to endure the heat from the mayor sitting right next to her. She will be voting- against! Way to represent! (I guess one would to go to a sports stadium to actually cheer.)

  • amandamore

    I leave for prior commitments but honestly those few minutes are worth hundreds to see what half the audience there has been saying – said- by an elected official. The transcript should really be a hoot. If it can just get some airtime. I mean this guy, this mayor is just bad- bad to the bone.

  • Michael Davis

    Spoken like every soccer nerd given the opportunity to spend hundreds of millions of other people’s money. Yaay, so we’ll own a stadium! Great cities are defined by sports teams, I guess, not arts, sound infrastructure, culture, etc.

  • amandamore

    Enjoy the landscaping of our roads. Every time I hit a pothole I say this “Dyer.” Read the small print the city is bankrupt. The city is on the hook.My 85 year old Mom already pays 30 a year to be buzzed by helicopters and the lear jets at the executive airport . You could have listened to oh well Phil Diamond a CPA/lawyer. Maybe you need to decide to take a side road to work at the city or city contractor so you can be jolted into understanding this- the numbers!

  • Jeanna Malines

    Geez – Why am I just seeing this?
    Great cities are defined by many things. Sports teams, arts, infrastructure, education, how it handles it’s poor. There are too many to list.
    But I gave you FACTS and you called me a NERD and implied that I have no other interests out side of loving Orlando City Soccer?
    Myopic and sad response.

  • Katie J

    This is a huge part of why this jerk lost. Daisy was excellent at her job and would have been in it forever – if not for her selfish idiot of a son. He clearly thought he would just naturally take over for his mom… It’s an elected position you moron! And no one would vote for someone who would gladly try to steal his mother’s position. He obviously didn’t even talk to her about it first, thus all the confusion. What a pathetic, disgusting excuse for a son and human being. No one wants egocentric trash in these positions, go back to being a crappy, underhanded lawyer.