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Love bugs: How to deal

May 7, 2014
By

The love bugs have arrived: Orlando’s smack in the middle of the first of two love bug seasons that we’ll endure this year. We can’t stand the things and their love of mating in our faces and dying all over our cars. We bet you hate them sexin’ everywhere just as much as we do, so we put together this handy list of tips to help you deal with the pesky bugs:

1. Show up to work dawn-cracking early and leave after the sun has set. Love bugs swarm more during mid-morning and mid-afternoon, so if you make your commute when it’s dark out, you’ll have a better chance of avoiding them. Bonus: If you’re paid hourly, you may be able to bank some serious overtime.

2. Keep your outdoor booze covered. More than just a deterrent against getting roofied, this advice will keep the pests from dying a drunken death in your mango-chile mimosa.

3. Wax on, wax off. You might be a little late on this one, but give your car (or motorcycle or speedboat or Vespa, we’re not judging!) a good washing, followed by a good waxing, paying particular attention to your grill, bumper and hood. Experts (not Mr. Miyagi) recommend waxing your vehicle at least once a week to maintain a protective barrier against the paint-destroying mid-coitus bugs.

4. Be vigilant! Wash off the love bugs as soon as you possibly can. These sex fiends can cause serious damage to your car paint in less than 24 hours, about 1/3 as long as the bugs’ total life span. Stop to gas up? Wash off the bugs. Get home at the end of the day? Wash off the bugs. Netflix won’t load? Wash off the bugs.

5. Bounce to the rescue! Use a wet dryer sheet to wash the stuck-on guts from your car. This one’s a bit controversial, because some car experts argue that it could damage your paint. But that’s like six of one, half-dozen of the other, because if you leave the love bugs on, they’ll ruin your paint, too!

What are some of your best tips to deal with the Florida insect sex offenders?

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  • Robert Lamont

    crying helps

  • Myrna

    How about UF find a way to get rid of them, since they were the ones who created the problem?